Putting One Another First

Thoughts on Romans 12:10; Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Peter 5:5

Decades ago, scientist Richard Dawkins wrote the book, The Selfish Gene. His point was that genetic material is wired to act in its own interest.

Whether or not you buy Dawkin’s science, the title is memorable—and in a way, true. Human beings are bent toward self-interest.

Call it the selfish gene, the flesh, or the old self. Whatever name you choose, it shows up everywhere. And it doesn’t vanish at the church door. It sneaks into small groups, marriages, ministry teams, and friendships. We know the “one another” commands—welcome, encourage, forgive, care, listen. But deep inside, a voice whispers: What about me?

If we want to build Christ-shaped communities, we have to reckon with that voice. Scripture gives us a pattern in three simple but profound commands.

1. Honor One Another Above Yourselves

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

To honor someone is to recognize their worth, affirm their value, and celebrate their contribution. In the Roman world, honor was reserved for the wealthy and powerful. We still pin medals on hero’s today (and we should).

But Paul flips that. In God’s family, everyone is worthy of honor—because each one is made in God’s image and redeemed by Christ.

So, what does honoring one another look like in the church?

• Thanking the children’s worker who watched your toddler.
• Noticing the sound tech whose work only gets attention when it fails.
• Telling your child, “I’m proud of who you are becoming.”
• Speaking well of your spouse in public.

Some families even keep an “honor book,” recording each person’s milestones to celebrate together.

In God’s household, honor shouldn’t be scarce; it’s our shared currency.

When we practice honor, we retrain our hearts. The selfish gene loses ground, and no one in the community is left invisible.

2. Submit to One Another’s Interests

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3–4)

To submit or defer is to give way, to let another person’s needs or priorities take first place. And that does not come naturally. Few of us enjoy going last. Most of us would prefer that people gave way to our preferences. Even in church.

Paul isn’t saying we should act as if we have no value. We do. Paul is urging us to work hard to finish second. It’s not erasing yourself but choosing to place others first. How?

• Take the job no one else wants.
• Hold back your insight so someone else has space to speak.
• Watch the movie your spouse enjoys.
• Give an aging parent patient attention.

Deference is love with sleeves rolled up—my preference can wait while yours goes first.

The irony? Submission doesn’t diminish you. It enlarges you. Jesus himself modeled it, laying aside divine privilege to serve—and the Father exalted him. In God’s kingdom, descent comes before ascent.

3. Clothe Yourselves with Humility Toward One Another

“All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” (1 Peter 5:5)

Humility isn’t about hating ourselves. It is understanding the dignity we have in Christ, paired with a willingness to stoop and serve. Peter’s phrase “clothe yourselves” is vivid: in the first century, servants wore aprons. When Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, John notes he knew who he was—and then tied on a towel.

That’s our model. Identity secure, we bow and serve.

The towel around your waist says more about Christ than the title on your door.

But the selfish gene protests: If I live this way, who will look after me? Peter answers: Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. That’s the paradox of the kingdom. When you honor others, God honors you. When you care for others, God cares for you.

So, how do I put these three “one another” passages into action?

Here’s a start.

Honor someone specifically. Say it, write it, text it.
Tie one on. Use an apron or towel as a reminder: “I’m here to serve.”
Surrender the “what about me?” Pray 1 Peter 5:7 out loud.
Jesus honored the overlooked. He deferred to the Father’s will and clothed himself with humility. He tied on the towel, washed feet, and gave his life for us. Because he put us first, we are forgiven and free.

So, when the selfish gene whispers, “What about me?” ~ answer with the gospel: The Father sees me. The Son served me. The Spirit strengthens me. I am free to put you first.